From a Foster Momma's Heart to Yours
I have had some time to do some deep thinking about some things, and recent happenings have made me think about it more.
I was trying to think of a way to describe to a biological parent, how it feels to be a foster parent in a way they could understand. A lot of times I get questions of, "Does it feel the same as it would if they were your child?" "Do you think it's different for a biological parent?" "I don't know if I could ever love that child as much as I love my own...do you?" etc. I have a hard time with letting people know how I feel (I'm not a feelings kind of person anyway) about my foster children...especially since I'm open to adoption. I finally came up with something that could describe it...and forgive me if this is too much for you to take. Being a foster parent is like... think of your baby, your child, your little girl or little boy...how much do you love them? I would hope you would say you love them more than you could ever begin to describe, which is how I feel. Now, imagine your child is playing on a railroad track and there is a train coming. You would gladly throw yourself in front of that train to push the child out of the way, knowing it could very well kill you in the process.....but you're tied down and can't do that.
Painful image, but I think it gets the point across. That is seriously the best way I can describe the difference between good biological parents and good foster parents (note the good ones).
A while back there was an article going around facebook. All the moms were liking it and saying how relieved they were to read it. I read it, but didn't know what I thought about it... It was an article from a mom who was stopped in a store and told to cherish every minute of being a parent. It then went on to say things about how it is ok not to love and cherish every minute of it, and quite frankly is normal not to do so. (Please understand, I'm really not bashing on this article.) Although I agree that in most cases, it is sadly true that we don't love and cherish every minute as parents, I can't say it is ok or that it should be normal. In fact, I think it should be abnormal. We all have our moments, but seriously, let's think about this.
At the beginning of my foster parenting, I had a lot of those minutes of totally not cherishing and loving it...when a baby is going crazy and you just want a minute of sleep, it can be tough. But something changed that for me. We lost one...we lost one to a very horrible and terrifying situation...we had to watch that train hit while being tied down. Something changed in me when that happened. Something that I wish had changed before that. The reality of being a foster parent set in. I realized that at any moment, any minute, my precious foster children could easily be taken away in that very same way, and I would have to watch that train hit all over again. It was at that time, I changed.
Every second, every minute, every hour, every day I have with these children is a HUGE, beyond belief blessing from God. And EVERY SINGLE MINUTE is something to be cherished forever. It is a gift. And at any minute, it can be taken away from me forever.
Since then, even in the crazy times, even in the middle of the night when they just won't sleep, even when you have a million things to do and they just want YOU, I love it. When I catch myself starting to grumble or feel frustrated, I remember reality, and I give them a big hug and kiss and thank God for every minute of it. I thank God for every minute I have with them.
Biological parents, please understand... Your child CAN be taken from you at any minute too. This life is no guarantee for you or for your children. I watch as I see parents take it for granted that their children ARE theirs and nothing can change that....but forgetting that we have no control over time, life, or what happens. Love your children EVERY MINUTE, love EVERY MINUTE with your children no matter what, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God.
(Note: do not move on to the next section if you need time to think about this.)
Now to the part that hits the hardest for me right now... love your spouse, love every minute with your spouse, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God. I am now learning and pray changing in this part as well. It is easy to take your spouse for granted, and it is true that the ones you love the most and are around the most are also the ones you can hurt the most and treat the worst. But the cold hard fact of this life is that it is not guaranteed to last here on this earth for very long...not even another minute is guaranteed on this earth. Do you treat your spouse in a way that if tomorrow they are gone, you would have no regrets? Do you treat them in a way that if tomorrow you are gone, they would have no regrets? It saddens me to think of my answer to these questions. I am praying and working today to change this now.
(Note: again, do not move on to the next section if you need time to think about this.)
Take it even further... love everyone in your life, love every minute with everyone in your life, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God. As believers and followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to love one another...love our neighbor as ourselves, love everyone around us, love everyone not around us...LOVE. "...The greatest of these is love..." We are to blaze Christ's Love to everyone. Love everyone in your life, love every minute with everyone in your life, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift and opportunity from God. (Remember Matthew 25:31-46 & 1 Corinthians 13)
Note: I separated these three thoughts because I don't want them to blur together and take the seriousness and need for change out of each one of them. I even considered making them separate posts. Please try not to blur them together.
Sources: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html; www.biblegateway.com
I was trying to think of a way to describe to a biological parent, how it feels to be a foster parent in a way they could understand. A lot of times I get questions of, "Does it feel the same as it would if they were your child?" "Do you think it's different for a biological parent?" "I don't know if I could ever love that child as much as I love my own...do you?" etc. I have a hard time with letting people know how I feel (I'm not a feelings kind of person anyway) about my foster children...especially since I'm open to adoption. I finally came up with something that could describe it...and forgive me if this is too much for you to take. Being a foster parent is like... think of your baby, your child, your little girl or little boy...how much do you love them? I would hope you would say you love them more than you could ever begin to describe, which is how I feel. Now, imagine your child is playing on a railroad track and there is a train coming. You would gladly throw yourself in front of that train to push the child out of the way, knowing it could very well kill you in the process.....but you're tied down and can't do that.
Painful image, but I think it gets the point across. That is seriously the best way I can describe the difference between good biological parents and good foster parents (note the good ones).
A while back there was an article going around facebook. All the moms were liking it and saying how relieved they were to read it. I read it, but didn't know what I thought about it... It was an article from a mom who was stopped in a store and told to cherish every minute of being a parent. It then went on to say things about how it is ok not to love and cherish every minute of it, and quite frankly is normal not to do so. (Please understand, I'm really not bashing on this article.) Although I agree that in most cases, it is sadly true that we don't love and cherish every minute as parents, I can't say it is ok or that it should be normal. In fact, I think it should be abnormal. We all have our moments, but seriously, let's think about this.
At the beginning of my foster parenting, I had a lot of those minutes of totally not cherishing and loving it...when a baby is going crazy and you just want a minute of sleep, it can be tough. But something changed that for me. We lost one...we lost one to a very horrible and terrifying situation...we had to watch that train hit while being tied down. Something changed in me when that happened. Something that I wish had changed before that. The reality of being a foster parent set in. I realized that at any moment, any minute, my precious foster children could easily be taken away in that very same way, and I would have to watch that train hit all over again. It was at that time, I changed.
Every second, every minute, every hour, every day I have with these children is a HUGE, beyond belief blessing from God. And EVERY SINGLE MINUTE is something to be cherished forever. It is a gift. And at any minute, it can be taken away from me forever.
Since then, even in the crazy times, even in the middle of the night when they just won't sleep, even when you have a million things to do and they just want YOU, I love it. When I catch myself starting to grumble or feel frustrated, I remember reality, and I give them a big hug and kiss and thank God for every minute of it. I thank God for every minute I have with them.
Biological parents, please understand... Your child CAN be taken from you at any minute too. This life is no guarantee for you or for your children. I watch as I see parents take it for granted that their children ARE theirs and nothing can change that....but forgetting that we have no control over time, life, or what happens. Love your children EVERY MINUTE, love EVERY MINUTE with your children no matter what, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God.
(Note: do not move on to the next section if you need time to think about this.)
From One Spouse to Another
Now to the part that hits the hardest for me right now... love your spouse, love every minute with your spouse, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God. I am now learning and pray changing in this part as well. It is easy to take your spouse for granted, and it is true that the ones you love the most and are around the most are also the ones you can hurt the most and treat the worst. But the cold hard fact of this life is that it is not guaranteed to last here on this earth for very long...not even another minute is guaranteed on this earth. Do you treat your spouse in a way that if tomorrow they are gone, you would have no regrets? Do you treat them in a way that if tomorrow you are gone, they would have no regrets? It saddens me to think of my answer to these questions. I am praying and working today to change this now.
(Note: again, do not move on to the next section if you need time to think about this.)
From One Christ Follower to Another
Take it even further... love everyone in your life, love every minute with everyone in your life, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift from God. As believers and followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to love one another...love our neighbor as ourselves, love everyone around us, love everyone not around us...LOVE. "...The greatest of these is love..." We are to blaze Christ's Love to everyone. Love everyone in your life, love every minute with everyone in your life, and cherish every second you have on this earth with them, because it is a gift and opportunity from God. (Remember Matthew 25:31-46 & 1 Corinthians 13)
Note: I separated these three thoughts because I don't want them to blur together and take the seriousness and need for change out of each one of them. I even considered making them separate posts. Please try not to blur them together.
Sources: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html; www.biblegateway.com
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